uokbro?

I'm not the most brilliant person when it comes to social interaction.  In fact, I would consider myself as graceful as a bat when it comes to these things.  However; something that really does bother me is a person who thinks they are the big cheese when it comes to this.  You know, like "mmm delicious cheese."

My job in life is a whole lot of things: Sales person, Manager, College group leader, entertainer, thinker, husband [ha].  It's difficult for me to put up the right face at the right time.  But in the last few weeks, I've been getting more than one person asking me if I'm okay.  I suppose it's an omen telling me to straighten up because people are starting to get annoyed at the rain cloud above my head, if there even is a rain cloud there at all.

After reconsidering my mood several times, and reflecting on my attitude...I'm still wondering if I'm okay.  Let me put into perspective what you subject to someone when you ask them if they are okay.

Asking someone if they are okay is a heavy question in it of its own.  When you ask someone if they are okay.  It is clear that you don't think they are okay. Otherwise, you wouldn't question their  okay-ness. 

This means the other person now has to question him/herself - "Am I okay?"   If the subject in question is NOT okay.  You've struck a cord, now they are forced to reveal what is hiding underneath that rain cloud to you.  I cannot explain this better than the example of chess.  When you find yourself exposed with a "check".  That feeling you get when you feel like you can die, but you're forced to move somewhere that your aggressor probably wants you to move.  You're limited in your movement, but you have to do it anyway.

Now likewise, if you call "check" or even "checkmate" and it's a false call.  You leave the other person with a "what the heck. no it's not."  But first they have to look closely at the board just to find out you made a dumb call.   This is what it's like to ask someone if they're okay when they're actually...okay.  It also indicates to me that there is something I am doing to make them feel uneasy or uncomfortable...which in a sense makes me feel uncomfortable.  Now great...I might have had a sleep spell, a think spell, or a daze spell.  But all of a sudden I'm subjected to the question of "being okay"

Expect responses like:

Yes.

No.

Sure?

Fact:

It's not wrong to be concerned for someone.  But to give a half hearten invitation to open up what may cause the other to expose themselves is just irrational.   

Solution:

If you are genuinely concerned about someone.  Why not approach them by exposing yourself first.  Observe the following dialog.

"Hey, I feel like you've been a little quiet tonight.  Is something bothering you?"  Observe the tact and ingenious structure of this question.  You are putting yourself out there first.  You are exposing yourself by expressing your own feelings AND you are justifying your concern with evidence.  Now the subject knows why you are concerned, why you are questioning him/her, and that their demeanor worries you.  

BOOM - Think about how they'll respond now.  

successful response:

"Oh really?  I didn't notice.  Sorry, I'm just a little tired."

"Oh.  Sorry, just kinda spacing out."

"Yeah....my dog ate my homework last night."

"Well, my loot didn't drop last night when we killed the lich king. So I'm kinda pissed about that."

Do you see? A full heartened question will get a full heartened answer.  That's what you want right?  Look, I know what it's like to be a guy.  Guys aren't rocket scientists of heart and soul [to women or fellow guys].  But consider how much more it will mean to them [both women and fellow guys].  Ladies?  Can I get an approving comment?  I feel like this is something that some, if not most, women have such a better grasp at sympathetic vibrations than their grunting, awesome, perfect counterpart.