The Christian of Halloween

Lately, as I peruse the store to complete my costume ensemble, I'm reminded of all the candies that line the aisles.  I think about picking up a bag, then remember, "I don't celebrate or condone the practice of Halloween and the distribution of candy thereof."

However; the more I though about it, the more it pushed at my heart.  Why not? Why can't I hand out candy to little kids ringing at the door?

I grew within multiple churches, and multiple families who share the same sentiment. Going trick-or-treating is a bad thing, and encourages the spirit of what Halloween really represents such as demonic ritualism and pagan sadism.  Upon which many unfortunate tragedies have befallen on this day as an honoring to the dead, or sponsors of such evil powers etc etc.

To hand out candy would mean that we accept these values and we allow them to continue if we open the door, but I wonder if that really is so.  I know this world enjoys raving about Christians being intolerant, bigot, closed minded etc.  I believe that to a certain extent, yes we are to be separate from the world, but which acts demonstrate an intolerance of sin, and which acts just demonstrates intolerance?

Giving out candy seems like a pretty trivial matter, and when we have a chance to give, why not generously? It's not everyday we have a chance to show little children kindness where they get dressed up and walk up to our doors and ask for candy.  For all they know, this holiday is about giving out candy if we dress up!  But encountering houses that don't do trick-or-treat can be a sad thing for a little kid.

Look, I get it, we don't want to honor satanic worship, but is handing out candy really satanic?  Is being strict about principles really worth the possible ostracism of a child?  What are we telling the world we're trying to save when we withhold this generous act for the sake of principles that no one cares about but us?   Will they commend us for sticking to our principles? Will they think how righteous we are for staying on the straight and narrow?  Will this demonstrate the love of Christ?  I wonder...

Hold the fast

"‘Why have we fasted, and you see it not? Why have we humbled ourselves, and you take no knowledge of it?’ Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure, and oppress all your workers. Behold, you fast only to quarrel and to fight and to hit with a wicked fist. Fasting like yours this day will not make your voice to be heard on high. Is such the fast that I choose, a day for a person to humble himself? Is it to bow down his head like a reed, and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him? Will you call this a fast, and a day acceptable to the LORD? “Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

                                                                                                                Isaiah 58:3-7 


 I've been thinking a lot about what it takes to be a good Christian.  While it has occurred to me that my salvation is secured in Jesus Christ.  I can't be content with the idea that I am not as sharp as I could be for God's kingdom.  There are many things in my life that I have wondered about in the wake of my new Christian life almost a decade ago.  Such as, do I need to be baptized in order to get saved.  Do I need to go on a missions trip to get saved.  Do I need to go to Africa? Do I need to fast...It turns out my answer lies in no for all of them.

Christ has died and risen.  He is the only way to the Father.  For me to assume that me being baptized aids in my salvation, or me fasting, or anything else, is to undermine the sufficiency and complete grace of God given in the representation of Jesus Christ.

So here then lies the question of the post:  Why should we fast.  Why should we get baptized.  Why should we embark on missions.  The answer is this:  That we may be better soldiers of Christ.  I look at the current state of modern church and wonder can be improved on to be a stronger force for Christ.  One thing that I want to emphasize is that the church, along with the culture it is in has lost the ability to deny themselves.  Self-indulgence has a long history of causing many stumbles in ones life and it has not changed since then.  We demand food when we're hungry.  We demand information when we want it.  We connect with our friend whenever we want to.  It may be true that not all of us can afford the latest and greatest, but when it comes to denial of these indulgences, it is more likely a result of circumstance, then of will power.

Why does God encourage us to fast?  It certainly cannot be because He enjoys to see us suffer.   Luke 11 tells us that if we know how to give good gifts for our children, how much more will the Father give good gifts to us.  God encourages us to fast because it gives us the experience of self denial.  I have only truly fasted on material things over the coarse of the Lenten season.  It has been a painful, but rewarding experience everytime I jumped into it.  My progression went from Chipotle > Red Meat > increasing quiet times > Coffee.  (There may have been some breaks in between).  At first, I looked back on my first few fasts and came out with these results. 
"Wow, I use to eat at Chipotle alot.  or wow, I saved so much money." Resulting in, "eh, Chipotle is alright.  I could live without it." 

Great, so where does this tie in to what fasting is all about?  I had a wrong for so long on what it means to fast.  It's not a pain sacrifice to God.  We don't put our pain on the alter for His pleasure, and in return He blesses us with good feelings about our spiritual selves.  Fasting is a practice of self-denial.  This was made evident in my last fast for coffee with my beautiful wife.

My wife decided she wanted to try this fasting thing, and decided hesitantly to give up coffee to which I accepted.  The first week we went to Hawaii for vacation, known for their luxurious Kona coffee.  Every morning our waiter would offer us fresh coffee to which we declined and asked for tea instead.  It was a painful experience, but it was denying our desires for something bigger.  Our needs come secondary to God's kingdom.  Now you may ask, "What does forsaking coffee have to do with God's kingdom?"

Denying ourselves in small things will prepare us to deny ourselves in BIG things.  If we can get into the habit of hiding from our flesh as Isaiah puts it.  Getting into the habit of saying "NO" to our own indulgences and desires.  It will make warding off desires to sin that much more easier.  When the nature of God is sacrifice and the nature of the flesh is self-indulgence.  We must be vigilant in demanding to more like Christ in all aspects.  When we get the urge to steal, to lust, to lie, to speak profanely, to get angry, anything that doesn't align to the fruits of the spirit, we need to understand how to squelch that desire.  If we have no experience in self denial, we'll never never NEVER overcome our desire to sin.

Church, Christ calls us to deny ourselves and pick up our cross.  How can we wholly and completely follow the will of God if we can't deny ourselves.  When we can look at our time and say this is for God? When we can't look at our money and say this is for God? When we can't look at our patience for other and say this is for God?  It starts with looking at our coffee....and saying...this is for God.  My body is not my own....

Chen up

When a load of work seems to flop off your shoulders, you tend to be more productive in most every field.  I managed to catch up with some work emails that I had been burdened with for maybe 2 weeks due to  more improvements on the warehouse here at work.  Some I shamelessly archived assuming that if the matter was important enough, they'd email back two weeks later, called, or forgot about the whole thing anyway.  But most I took care of.

Something about a clean and empty inbox fills me with a ridiculous amount of joy, I can't help but wonder, why I don't do things like this more often.  When something comes to my desk.  Do it fast, do it well.  That's just all there is to it I guess.  Now, the last two days I've been at work, I zip through every new email that comes in for me, manage to catch up on Facebook, read the blogs of people I care about, and still have the energy to be inspired to update my on rusty on for my own leisure.  Also, I opened all my mail :], some from back in July...

I pulled out of the driveway on Friday thinking to myself: "What a beautiful day, there are so many reasons to be happy." <---literally a="a" and="and" block="block" chevy="chevy" down="down" drive="drive" exclusively.="exclusively." for="for" going="going" graze="graze" han="han" head.="head." i="i" in="in" my="my" nbsp="nbsp" of="of" on="on" one="one" p="p" panish="panish" spoke="spoke" street="street" suv="suv" the="the" tire="tire" was="was" what="what" who="who" with="with" woman="woman">

• Unimportant side story:  skip if you don't care.  So this accident, unfortunately is my fault.  While I was marveling at God's amazing chilly day, with my fogged up windows and all, I didn't see the oncoming car and slammed the brakes a little too late.  I scratched the massive SUV's tire and hub in exchange for a small dent on the right side of my fender.

After the whole ordeal, I found myself muttering to myself, thinking "Really God? really....this must be absolutely hilarious to someone in the universe right now."  Following that, I am getting an absurd amount of calls I can't answer from a guy named Lucio Ricardoz, who is the husband of poor victim Spanish woman.  He leaves messages like "Hey, you need to pay for my wheel." After the whole thing was resolved, I'm now out $650 but I'm still in a good mood.

I get so upset when I notice how vulnerable to sin I am.  How one minute I can say PRAISE GOD! and the very next second whine and complain and bicker and mope.  I kick myself in the shin and wonder how genuine my faith really is.  In the meantime, Saturday, God wakes me up early to spend some time with Him, this is where He led me:

Matthew 4

The Temptation of JesusThen Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry.  And the tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.”  But he answered, “It is written,“‘Man shall not live by bread alone,    but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” Then the devil took him to the holy city and set him on the pinnacle of the temple  and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written,“‘He will command his angels concerning you,’and“‘On their hands they will bear you up,    lest you strike your foot against a stone.’” Jesus said to him, “Again it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’”  Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory.  And he said to him, “All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.”  Then Jesus said to him, “Be gone, Satan! For it is written,“‘You shall worship the Lord your God    and him only shall you serve.’” Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and were ministering to him.

I am intrigued by what God is telling me here.  The tempter strikes in predictable and calculated times.  Jesus had JUST been baptized, experience the whole "This is my son, whom I am well pleased thing." probably on a spiritual high.  Finds himself alone in the wilderness and is hungry after 40 days.

The tempter attacks you in 3 very specific occasions:

• When you feel the closest to God
• When you feel completely alone
• When you are in desperate need

Secondly what the Spirit is telling me is that the Spirit led Jesus into this trial....So who's the bad guy, the tempter or the guy who leads me to the tempter.  This whole thing is all very interesting, but I've resided to abbreviate this part to the shepherd knows where he is leading is. [that is all]

Finally the son tells me this in Matthew 26:41
"Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation.  The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

I am willing Lord.  My flesh is weak but I am willing.  Cleanse me of my iniquities and let me embrace the joy of your salvation.

Amen

Chronic Sad Times

In my younger days, I'm not sure if I would have been comforted with the fact the 23% of my peers were struggling with depression like I was.  I would never wish that on anybody.  In a sense, misery loves company.  Much of the world would like us to believe (it would seem) that our body is simply comprised of cells coupled with  hormones and chemicals. Our emotions are complex electrical charges and,when given enough time, we may even be able to create emotions on demand.

I'm not much of a futuristic thinker, nor am I a psycho analyst or psycho chemist.  What I do know is, people are complicated, and I guess that makes me a closed minded thinker; But please, hear me out.  Being a person who personally struggled, and still daily, to keep at bay my bouts of depression, let me express myself in a way that I hope doesn't sound offensively persuasive or utterly dull.

Looking back at the steps I came from, I really want to pay it forward and hope that some of you readies that are struggling with what I have/am can glean from my experiences and empower you to find your own solutions to the demons in your heart.  I won't share my entire story with you, but I wonder if you can relate to my thoughts and anxieties through my words.

I am a people please, and I always have been.  I am fiercely loyal to my friends, and as a result, I have very few close friends.  I struggled with depression and anxiety through High School. I had phases of unexpected sadness,was sharply sarcastic at unpredictable moments of the day.  Sometimes I would get depressed if someone tried to reach out to me. I would then get depressed that no one tries to reach out to me. Afterwards I would get depressed because just those two thoughts created a frustrating conundrum that I often just wanted to sleep off, put off, and see if it reoccurs the next day (which generally it does).  I was not the kid who was easy to pick on.  I wasn't the kid with the disastrous family, nor was I the kid that made a scene of everything because I was being rebellious.  In fact, I was a well to do child, fairly well liked by the circles I chose to attend, smiled when I was prompted to (or felt prompted to).  Had two parents who loved me dearly, and did moderately well in school to deserve accolades even.

I'd say "Unexpected right?", but my guess is that most of you readies know exactly what I'm talking about.  Is something wrong with me?  Probably.  Friends that I felt open enough to show my true being of self deprecation and loathing often suggested counseling or even Prozac.  Neither of which I really felt like pursuing.  Depression has a way of telling you that you're not worth the effort to take yourself to counseling or worth the money for Prozac.

A few years later, a friend of mine said I probably had a chemical imbalance because I could not explain these fits of depression outside of a suppressed, but very distant childhood.  While I appreciated his concern, I think it's obvious that I had a chemical imbalance.  There is probably something in my brain that is restricting endorphins or dopamine which results in depression.  For the record, (again read above for my credentials-I have none) I don't think adding anti-depressants to yours system will solve anything,  It's like putting a tourniquet on a bruise.  You're doing it wrong.  You stop the depressed thoughts for a while, but your masking the symptoms of what really is the issue.

So what is the issue?  It's hard to say seeing as 23% (and rising) of American children are diagnosed with depression every year, I'm sure each person has a different issue they are struggling with.  Let me give you three things that I think most people struggle with.

1.) Meaningful work
2.) Meaningful companionship
3.) Meaningful purpose

Work
Our work defines us.  It tells us who we are, what our priorities should be, and gives us meaning in life.  Nothing feels quite as accomplishing as bringing home a paycheck so that you can pay for stuff.  These are the stuff you need, stuff you want, stuff your family needs, you get the point...  Depression is on the rise in this down economy with the anxiety that some of our older work force are losing their jobs to younger, more overqualified replacements.  It's hard to find meaning in work, when it seems like no matter how hard you try, you're always wondering if you'll be bringing home bad news every morning you leave for work.  Not exactly meaningful.

When I worked at Lifeway, I was a mess.  I focused more on school and I was doing pathetic work in both avenues, I was reminded that I was representing God at work when my dear store manager told me that Lifeway was a not-for-profit company, and that after all expenses are met, additional profits go to charities around the world. It changed my perspective.  No longer was I selling cheap...overpriced...eye gouging christian products...I was making a difference in the world.  I gently but firmly dealt with angry customers and it wouldn't make me sad.  I was doing something I enjoyed, and almost didn't care if I was getting paid...

When you're working, if you have a stable job, you should  set a goal.  Put your money into savings so you can buy a house one day,or buy a nice car one day, even save up for your kids future college tuition (even if you don't have kids).  If you're not doing charity work, set some goals.  That way you won't feel like killing yourself because you have goals to meet...

Companionship
Our friends (and family) define us.  Having friends that you can share with exclusively, rely on exclusively, and trust exclusively is important for us to find meaning in our lives.  Facebook friends are not exclusive....  Friends and family (F&F... no profanity >.>) who affirm our existence and appreciate our presence  really empower us to live life to the fullest.  F&F that build us up and don't tear us down are invaluable and should be held onto.  Likewise, if you devalue the meaning of friendship, you lose out on the companionship that two people have with each other.  Be careful who you pick to be your friends, and be proud of the friends that you've chosen.  Give and you (should) receive.

Purpose
Last but certainly not least, our lives define us. If you feel like both the top two criteria are met, perhaps you are lacking a meaningful purpose in life.   If you don't feel like your life has purpose: that we all just live and then die, then why bother even getting up?  Why bother spending time with people?  Why bother going to work?  If nothing I do matters, then why do it?  In this culture we are what we create, and so if you can't be the one to create that magnificent work of art of the decade, or compose that beautiful piece of music century, or write that moving piece of literature of all time, then to much of this world, you are not good for much.  Purpose therefore, if rarely found in oneself,  must be found in living for someone else. I think that people are naturally inclined to desire living for something that transcends themselves.  Leaving a legacy for their children, their loved ones, their generation.  Living for a person, a God, brings purpose to one's life.  Thereby leading me to conclude that charity is the best thing you can do for yourself...in the midst of depression.

I want you to think of a few things today if you are one of my readies that find yourself resonating wit this post.

Smile frequently - It's not faking, especially if you find reasons daily to smile.  Smiling often directly associates with happiness [arguably the opposite of depression], laughter works very similar to smiling.  but small steps are nice.  Smiling is also contagious.  When you lift people up with a smile, you foster an atmosphere of uplifting.  People are attracted to that.

Take those who smile at you to heart - While laughter can be great and all.  It sometimes can be directed AT you which is not at all....joyful.  Smiling is difficult when you are angry, unless you are Scar from Lion King.  When someone smiles at  you genuinely, log it in your soul.  They didn't have to smile at you...but they did. I'm serious...pay attention when people smile at you.

Let go of the sarcasm - sarcastic remarks are cold and impersonal.  It is cheap humor that puts people down rather than builds people up.  Sarcasm [like smiling] is contagious.  When you put people down, you foster an atmosphere of...down-putting.  If you have nothing to say, TRY not to say anything at all.

Make compliments a natural response - Many of us have developed a natural response to sarcasm.  It's automatic in our brains, we jump without thinking at any opportunity to make a witty sarcastic remark.  By allowing kind words instead of sharp words to be the only things coming out of your mouth, you will feel the extra jump in your step.

Lastly, Say thank you often -  In fact, seek out opportunities to say "Thank You" to somebody.  If you are even in a good mood.  Tell them why you are thankful.  "Thank you for bagging my groceries"  "Thank you for the water."  Actively, verbally expressing gratitude reinforces and reminds us that our lives are made better by the people around us.

I don't want to sound preachy.  However; if you think these are good points to bring up, they are not my ideas.  I didn't get them out of a self help book, or a psychology book.  I got these ideas out of the bible.  Yes, each of the points listed have a tendency to come up multiple times in the good old book.  For the sake of not over extended this post, I really pray that you'll take my word for it for now.  If you have any questions regarding this, I would love to dialog with you about it.

Comments :]  I'd love to hear them!  What kind of advice do you have?  Let me know how you feel.

Longevity & Monogamy

It's interesting that I would start to write about monogamy right after I came back from the ASD/AMD expo in Vegas.  Actually, interesting maybe not...I guess it's no surprise since I am a one woman man.

One thing I do want know is that with my days counting down [in a good way wifey dear], I am wondering, curious even, what other people think about when getting married.  I look at vow templates and think, "Wow, this is pretty intense." Do people know what they are getting themselves into?  Many of us say "To death to us part."  Which, if I may be so blunt and straight forward about it means, not abandoning your wife or husband, unless of coarse, you are dead.


Furthermore, I have enough faith in you, my readies, and even for the still very general population of our country, that people don't walk into a marriage and think, "I can't wait to have an affair"  "I can't wait to cheat on him."  So my question is, why do people do it?

The most common reason for filing a divorce is "Irretrievable breakdown of the marriage" Which translate as a no-fault divorce. [irreconcilable differences]  While much of the reason why this is often used for filing divorce is that it's much much easier to file than say...a divorce filed on the grounds of adultery or abuse, it's unfortunate that irreconcilable differences is the reason people don't love each other in this day and age.

Perhaps it is a shocker to us that we marry completely different people from the people we fell in love with and that is the reason we come across irreconcilable differences, but when we really look at core issues of failing marriages outside of adultery, abuse, and addiction, I wonder what we'd find.  To me, being an admitting naive idealist, seeing actual examples of irreconcilable differences would probably be baffling, and perhaps even ridiculous.

One thing that I do admit however; is the dynamic of that which is in marriage, and that which is in the dating realm.  I've recently been experiencing this with my lovely bride-to-be of seven years.  I was reminiscing the past and how I use to write love letters and poems for my dear wife [to be] Taking her out to dinner was the highlight of my weeks, and we could talk on the phone for hours and hours ...and hours...and hours.  Somewhere though, down the road, I lost that sense of romancing my wife [to be] and I guess, she kind of settled into it as well.  Our purpose for our relationship subtly changed from expressing love to each other, to tolerating each other each day, to just getting by together.

What I'm really contemplating, is that in marriage, I anticipate lots of "get-things-done" times.  At first we'll try to accomplish things together, because we're a couple, a team.  Then after a while one of us will make a small mistake, a big mistake maybe.  Then we both will agree that we should just do things separately and occasionally together, until the only things we do together are raise children, eat dinner [maybe] and sex [maybe].  You may deny it and say that this little paragraph doesn't describe you or anyone you know, but the sad fact is, I see this all the time in many marriages slowly falling apart.

In a marriage, I think that too often we get caught up in all the bills to pay, all the parties we are obligated to appear to, all the careers we're trying to pursue, that we lost the pursuit of each other.  The real reason we fell in love with that person and stayed in love with that person isn't because we payed the bills, or took the children to school, or did a to-do list or whatever, it was because we  went out to the park to have a picnic [that we prepared for for 4 hours but didn't mind] or had a beautiful conversation next to the fountain down at the park, or watched a movie with, or had dinner with.  That's why we fell in love with them.

I'm not saying that you can't get things done together, or that paying bills or taking care of kids is a bad thing.  But often times, it's the little things that we settle into that will poison us to death.  People are constantly changing all the time, we all do.  But if you stop getting to know your spouse, you'll end up just living with a stranger.  [Maybe it's room mate syndrome  Boy do I know what that feels like.]

Irreconcilable differences will sneak up on you if you let it.  When you tell yourself you married someone completely different from the person you dated, think first to yourself that you actually took some time to get to know the person you dated.  Have you taken time recently to know the person you married?

Spend some time this week and act like your wife is your girlfriend. [remember Monogamy is still in affect]  And do something nice for her.

After all this, I still know that there are a lot of things ahead that I'm not aware of in marriage, and again maybe it's the idealist in me speaking of the silliness of reality.  So I do want to know.  Maybe this blog will reach some of you guys in the midst of marriage.  How are you holding up?  I'd really like to know , those of you who have been married for 10 years, 20 years, 50 years even.  How do you keep up the hot monogamy?  How do you fall in love with your wife every single day you wake up in the morning?  Leave tips and comments for me below :]  Thanks for reading, readies.

Dermatitis and God

I suffer from a skin condition called dermatitis.  I don't know what it is, or why the doctors diagnose me with it.  Frankly, I don't think they know what it is either.  They figure just chronic itchiness of the skin is dermatitis.

Here's a little description of my condition.  I get itchy a lot, which is focused on my hands and feet.  I have a rough tendency to scratch it.  But it turns out this condition was going on for so long that I was starting to see cancerous symptoms.  [Thank you webMD for freaking me out ] The last straw I figured was when I started actually liking the pain of pouring scalding hot water on itching fingers and then wrapping it in a sheet of tissue and pressing in on it.  Because of this, my fingers began to ooze puss,so I went to see a doctor.

Doctor just said its dermatitis, and gave me a steroid based ointment to help my skin grow.  I guess the itchiness is the perpetual tendency for the body to recover  When it grows new skin, the bonding of the skin causes it to itch, when I itch it I tear the skin apart and guess what?  You got it, the whole thing happens again.  I found out my allergies also irritate it as well.  The ointment is meant to accelerate my skin growth and in the meantime.

So a year or so later from then, my dermatitis has not gone away.  The ointment doesn't cure dermatitis  it just makes sure my skin doesn't turn a bloody unappealing monstrosity.   I do get the urge to itch every so often and sometimes, I actually succumb to them.

Why is this important?  I was pondering this today coming out of a recent itching phase which left scars on my finger.  I was thinking how paralleled this is to my walk with God.  Let me elaborate.  We will simply put things together as I see fit:

Itching = temptation
Scratching = sinning
Pain and scars = result of sinning
Ointment = Jesus Christ.

So you have it this way.  We are all perpetually tempted in this befuddling world.  Everyone itches.  sometimes scratching will make it go away, but how many times have you said "my arm itches" and your mother tells you "Don't scratch it".  It's easy to say "Don't scratch",  It's an entirely different matter to resist itching it.  Likewise, we can tell each other do not sin, to resist it is an entirely different matter altogether.

Jesus Christ provides us the strength to resist the urge to itch.  Will the itch does not go away, Jesus gives us the growth we need to stay strong and resist temptation.  We also know that Jesus is the only one who can forgive sins.  Washing away the pain and the scars of our past mistakes and shortcomings.  Putting on the ointment of Jesus does not make temptation go away, but it makes fighting temptation a little more meaningful.

Do you have anything in your life that you see as a hindrance or frustration?  Finding God in the little things in life help bring peace in a frustrating situation.  Mind sharing?  Comment please.

uokbro?

I'm not the most brilliant person when it comes to social interaction.  In fact, I would consider myself as graceful as a bat when it comes to these things.  However; something that really does bother me is a person who thinks they are the big cheese when it comes to this.  You know, like "mmm delicious cheese."

My job in life is a whole lot of things: Sales person, Manager, College group leader, entertainer, thinker, husband [ha].  It's difficult for me to put up the right face at the right time.  But in the last few weeks, I've been getting more than one person asking me if I'm okay.  I suppose it's an omen telling me to straighten up because people are starting to get annoyed at the rain cloud above my head, if there even is a rain cloud there at all.

After reconsidering my mood several times, and reflecting on my attitude...I'm still wondering if I'm okay.  Let me put into perspective what you subject to someone when you ask them if they are okay.

Asking someone if they are okay is a heavy question in it of its own.  When you ask someone if they are okay.  It is clear that you don't think they are okay. Otherwise, you wouldn't question their  okay-ness. 

This means the other person now has to question him/herself - "Am I okay?"   If the subject in question is NOT okay.  You've struck a cord, now they are forced to reveal what is hiding underneath that rain cloud to you.  I cannot explain this better than the example of chess.  When you find yourself exposed with a "check".  That feeling you get when you feel like you can die, but you're forced to move somewhere that your aggressor probably wants you to move.  You're limited in your movement, but you have to do it anyway.

Now likewise, if you call "check" or even "checkmate" and it's a false call.  You leave the other person with a "what the heck. no it's not."  But first they have to look closely at the board just to find out you made a dumb call.   This is what it's like to ask someone if they're okay when they're actually...okay.  It also indicates to me that there is something I am doing to make them feel uneasy or uncomfortable...which in a sense makes me feel uncomfortable.  Now great...I might have had a sleep spell, a think spell, or a daze spell.  But all of a sudden I'm subjected to the question of "being okay"

Expect responses like:

Yes.

No.

Sure?

Fact:

It's not wrong to be concerned for someone.  But to give a half hearten invitation to open up what may cause the other to expose themselves is just irrational.   

Solution:

If you are genuinely concerned about someone.  Why not approach them by exposing yourself first.  Observe the following dialog.

"Hey, I feel like you've been a little quiet tonight.  Is something bothering you?"  Observe the tact and ingenious structure of this question.  You are putting yourself out there first.  You are exposing yourself by expressing your own feelings AND you are justifying your concern with evidence.  Now the subject knows why you are concerned, why you are questioning him/her, and that their demeanor worries you.  

BOOM - Think about how they'll respond now.  

successful response:

"Oh really?  I didn't notice.  Sorry, I'm just a little tired."

"Oh.  Sorry, just kinda spacing out."

"Yeah....my dog ate my homework last night."

"Well, my loot didn't drop last night when we killed the lich king. So I'm kinda pissed about that."

Do you see? A full heartened question will get a full heartened answer.  That's what you want right?  Look, I know what it's like to be a guy.  Guys aren't rocket scientists of heart and soul [to women or fellow guys].  But consider how much more it will mean to them [both women and fellow guys].  Ladies?  Can I get an approving comment?  I feel like this is something that some, if not most, women have such a better grasp at sympathetic vibrations than their grunting, awesome, perfect counterpart.